Fool
This past Thursday was very eventful to say the very least.
I ran into my ex-boyfriend from years ago, the very same person I discussed in a previous blog. We talked, and he finally apologized for ghosting me and explained why.
It triggered something in me, and I will break it down now.
There is a song by an old '70s group called the Controllers Somebody's gotta play the Fool.
The lyric goes Somebody's gotta win
Somebody's gotta lose
Somebody's got to play the fool.
To be completely honest, that's how I'm feeling right now.
I have been talking to someone for three months now, and in those three months, I've let a lot of things go because I don't want to jump to unfounded conclusions.
I am starting to feel like a fool because my grandma used to say to us When someone keeps repeating the same thing over and over, it's because they are trying to convince themselves of what they are saying, not the person they are saying it to.
I have feelings for this person but at the same time me being who I am I question this person's sincerity toward me and what we are trying to build.
I feel like a fool because I feel like I keep falling for people and can't see, feel, or touch.
I'm starting to believe that being a fool is sometimes to love or what you believe is love, can be lust and nothing more.
Running into my ex kind of proved that for me because of the situation he was in with his ex, which is why I was ghosted.
He thought this person would change, and he was a fool to believe what she had shown him time and time again.
When we keep going back to something we know is not good, we become fools to the person and the very thing we didn't want in the first place, and that's the reject for walking away.
Three months in, for me, I've grown to have love for both him and his children, whom I've never physically seen in person, only in pictures and videos.
I feel like a fool in love with someone I made up in my imagination.
Fools rush in, and now I feel like this in every way.
My mother's advice rings in my head as I write this: "Let it play out and see where it leads."
My dream about this happening is starting to form, and now I must protect myself from being a fool and having both my heart and feelings hurt.
