Jun. 1, 2022
Trust
I am a person who can admit I have some form of issues with the word trust.
let me explain what I mean, I have put my trust into people and in the end being hurt or lied.
II am the type of person who will take you at your word until you prove to me that your words mean nothing. I will give you my true and honest trust but once you break it, I am pretty much done, when I was younger my trust issues started with my mother and I'm coming to visit you this weekend, my grandmother would get me ready, and I would sit by the door for it seems like hours only to be let down and my trust went downhill from there.
I grew into a young adult and had a great relationship with my father after I found out who he was, but I never really trusted my father for emotional support because his idea of it was to buy me things in his words to make up for lost time. when sometimes all I really need was for him to say it's going to be alright baby girl I got you.
Which is why I started dating men older than me to find the trust and love that I thought I wanted from my father. I think the only individuals I truly trusted were my grandparents through it all the keep their word and loved me through all my mess. I have a wall built up now when it comes to both trust and relationships because why set myself up to be disappointed. which is why now I am single and honestly loving it for the simple fact I can trust me, I don't have to pretend or watch someone else pretend until the truth of who they really are comes out six months down the line. Trust is very important to me as well as honesty. I spent half my adult life trying to please everyone I met or started a relationship with which made me question if I could be trusted. now I live my life somewhat guarded because I refuse to let someone make me feel like I cannot trust them or better, yet they feel they can't trust me as well.
Take this with you always be who you are and always make it to where you can let your wall down and trust who God brings into your life to help you heal.