Facing my Fear
Once again I have put this off for a week.
I didn't think I would have the words to express how I was feeling.
M's birthday is this Thursday and I have not been on the other side of the street in the past three months, PTSD has stopped me from going over for any reason.
I have a fear of crossing the street and it brings back the mental picture of him being in the car and gone from this world.
I had a dream of him last week sitting in the car telling me to come outside and in the dream, I told him I couldn't do it.
He looked at me and smiled and said baby mama come outside.
In all honesty, I fear crossing the street because I see him in the car leaning over to the left lifeless, and what bothers me is how long he was like that.
Thursday I have to Face the fear so I can try to have some peace in knowing M is in a better place and not in pain anymore.
Facing my fear won't be easy but I will not be alone one of my friends is going to stand with me as I lay flowers in his honor and memory.
I will conquer this fear and know that M is with me always!
