Jun. 24, 2022
Menopausal depression
this subject has been on my mind for awhile because it is close to the reason why I started my blog. let me tell you a story about a forty-five year old woman who was in her prime, until the summer of 2015 I was experience beyond the normal monthly visitor to the point it was so bad I was literally was buy maxi pads every two weeks. my boyfriend at the time kept telling baby something is wrong this is not normal, and me being who I am I kept putting going to the doctor off. until by August of that year I couldn't take it any more. I asked my. middle sister to go with me and what I learn was what I feared the most, I had a large benign fibroid tumor on my uterus and it was the size of a large ball.
So January 19,2016 I had a full abdominal hysterectomy and from that moment on my life was over. to know that as a woman I could never even try to have children again was a blow to my very soul, not only that I started to feel like less of a woman questioning everything from my sexuality to my overall feelings of being a woman.
I had a male doctor and of course he never explained to me the after effects of this.
after about a few months I went to a female doctor who explained to me finally what I was going through mentally and physically, and gave me a med to help with all the symptoms but mentally I was not there. the thing that I once loved now began to hurt (sex) and I had no idea how to fix it and neither did my boyfriend. so after the six weeks that they tell you to wait to have sex we tried and it hurt like hell and I was as dry as the desert. so once again I shut myself off from my relationship we became roommates and not a couple, this went on for two whole years to the point to where to this day I still don't have sex because I don't really enjoy it and the person I was with than passed away last year. my mind played tricks on me to the point where if I was dressed looking good I did feel it. I went from being this sexual goddess in my mind to not wanting to be touched at all. having a hysterectomy makes you feel like you are less than the woman you were born to be, it made me question so many things about myself to the very point I stopped. looking myself in the mirror. I thought I was ugly from the inside out.
which put me in full blown menopause, so came the night sweats, lack of sex drive, the hot flashes and mood swings, I believe for my boyfriend at the time those were the worst. I completely lost who I was and began to over eat not talk to my boyfriend, snap at my friends. and just was who I was before I became less of a woman( in my eyes)
wasn't until I had the awakening of myself through therapy that I got me back.
doctors don't tell you all the mental things you will go through shit they barely tell about the physical. I was on the verge a couple of times of just ending it all, than I heard my grandmother say in my head you are stronger than what you've been through.
so never believe that your life is over after going through or dealing with menopause you can still be that fabulous you. just pray and keep looking in the mirror to see just how beautiful you truly are!!