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Carolyn live,love, laugh

                                Love

As we have sprung forward at the beginning of March.

I have been reflecting on the word love and its definition of the word.

The definition of the word love is an intense feeling of deep affection.

The season brings out that and then some.

But despite the definition do we understand how to love?

A friend and I had a conversation about this and how during our lives we've been searching for love.

I mean the love you are supposed o feel according to the movies, the toes curling love. and yet we are now in our 50s and have still experienced that type of love.

I have spent the last three years trying to accept and love myself with all my faults.

I am not perfect nor have I ever thought I was perfect, in my head I created a love that was perfect with the husband and the white picket fence.

And it has yet to happen for me and a few others I know.

Love doesn't judge or criticize you for just being who you are.

Love doesn't go away or stop because a person isn't feeling you.

Love is unconditional and can bring you unmatched joy.

The best part is love is forever and lasting when it comes from a place of pure and unwavering.

Spring has sprung and with that knowledge, this love will find you, and when it does be prepared to receive a gift of the greatest joy.

Live, love, laugh

Jul. 10, 2022

Black sheep

I have always felt that I was born into the wrong family.

I was the one at the age of sixteen sent to go live with my mother and stepfather.

things that I was never allowed to do when I was living with my grandparents now my cousins were allowed to do. I was treated differently because later as I got older I learned I had a biological grandmother and the woman I knew was my stepgrandmother.

I was my grandfather's granddaughter, which made me feel like the black sheep of the family. My biological uncle would come to town and treat me like an outcast or stranger, which also made me feel alone and lost in a family who claimed to love me. yet in my personal opinion never truly saw me. You see I was the bad seed when I lived with my grandparents and was always in trouble for something or another. My grandmother once put me outside in the cold until my grandfather got home because I got suspended from school, my aunt came to rescue me, and once again I was sent to my room feeling like a black sheep once again. so when you're in a family where you feel invisible you will do anything to get attention no matter what the attention.

I tell these stories to you because I want to help people know that you're not alone.

I am not a victim I am a victor, even though I always felt like I didn't belong in the blended family I was born into. I was loved even though in my young years and teenage years I felt I wasn't as I look back on it I really was loved. I was just too angry to see that in the end, I made myself the black sheep. so always remember to be seen and heard in your family and all your relationships.