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As we have sprung forward at the beginning of March.
I have been reflecting on the word love and its definition of the word.
The definition of the word love is an intense feeling of deep affection.
The season brings out that and then some.
But despite the definition do we understand how to love?
A friend and I had a conversation about this and how during our lives we've been searching for love.
I mean the love you are supposed o feel according to the movies, the toes curling love. and yet we are now in our 50s and have still experienced that type of love.
I have spent the last three years trying to accept and love myself with all my faults.
I am not perfect nor have I ever thought I was perfect, in my head I created a love that was perfect with the husband and the white picket fence.
And it has yet to happen for me and a few others I know.
Love doesn't judge or criticize you for just being who you are.
Love doesn't go away or stop because a person isn't feeling you.
Love is unconditional and can bring you unmatched joy.
The best part is love is forever and lasting when it comes from a place of pure and unwavering.
Spring has sprung and with that knowledge, this love will find you, and when it does be prepared to receive a gift of the greatest joy.
Live, love, laugh
Jul. 13, 2022
Let me take you back to the summer of 1989 that year I was kicked out of high school in my junior year, I got an apartment after a so-called friend father's girlfriend rescued me from being attacked by him. I was in my apartment for a few months when I started dating her couisn who was abusive and at first, I didn't want to acknowledge it.
I had some friends of mine come over to get me out the house, we went to the square which back then was a teen hangout, I met this kind we will call him Akeem we talked and I told him I was in an abusive relationship he claimed he understood.
weeks go by and I haven't thought about him nor had I heard a word from him.
I told him I had to wash my clothes because I would get beat because my boyfriend would make me take my clothes off at the door to smell them, let's call the boyfriend Dre. so we wash my clothes I go home and of course, Dre is at the door questioning me why it took me so long to get back and this took place before I could walk through the door. at the door he told me to strip I did and he smelled my underwear and I got beat so bad I could not see out my left eye, that night I slept on my couch I was scared but I had nowhere to go nor did I really have anyone to talk to my friends didn't like Dre so the stopped coming over. fast forward about a week after the beating Akeem calls me and asked to meet downtown, so I leave the house and meet him where we met on the square we leave and walk a block away and we stop in this alley and he says to me "whore I'm going to take you right here in this alley, I'm like you're joking right?
my friend asked me to go with her to her grandparents house in my own house I had to ask permission, and my boyfriend at the time let me go. My friend and I went to her grandparent's house and while we were sitting outside Akeem came from his mother's apartment and asked me to come in, I went in we talked, and the next thing I know we did the due.
and he answer me by slapping me across the face and pulling my shorts down and putting the condom on and raping me in the alley, after he was done his words to me were "I knew when I first met you that you were nothing but a whore because only a whore would sleep with someone after talking for a week." I was crushed and standing in that alley trying to pull my shorts up but I was shaking so bad I just stood there seeming like hours while he pulled his pants up and walked away. by this time I had gotten Dre out of my house but I could not for the life of me understand how this happened to me. I went from an abusive man in my house to meeting someone who I thought liked me, but then rapes me in broad daylight and I totally felt like pure trash after the fact. I felt totally lost and who was I going to tell? who would believe a teenage black girl telling them they were raped by someone they thought they knew.
I was so upset after the fact that I locked myself in my apartment for a month I wasn't going to work, or school and I took my phone off the hook, I thought about killing myself more times than I care to admit. But what saved me was my friend from the little technical college I was going to at the time, she came banging on my door and I finally answered. I told her what took place and she simply said " it wasn't your fault that he did what he did to you, and don't stop living because of it." I was just happy that I told my friend through a mountain of tears what happened to me, I washed my body in my tub that night for what seemed like forever trying to clean off the dirty feeling I felt that day.
I told this story because I have held this for years because I was ashamed of something I had no control over by someone I thought I knew and trusted. in hopes, that my story will save someone else this type of pain. but I'm still here giving my thoughts and wisdom from my journey called life.