Jul. 23, 2022
Beauty
My whole life I felt out of place when it came to the way I saw myself.
I always felt different one because of my darker complexion, and the fact that some members of my family are lighter skin, I remember in my youth of always feeling a sense of regret for not being lighter. In my mind lighter was better so I truly thought I was ugly in junior high I was told by a boy I had a crush you would be pretty if you were my complexion or if you're butt wasn't so big or your legs and ankles were skinny, and if you were a little bit smaller I might think you were pretty. that day after school I went home to cry, what was really wrong with me? for the life of me I didn't understand.
when I got to high school I thought it would be better for me but once again it wasn't.
I wanted to join drill team and I was told by the leader that I was to thick of a girl to be apart of the team I needed to lose weight before the next try out. So I decided I needed to go on a diet I am only fifteen at the time and I started to do diet pills, then it was me going to eat binge and purge it was so bad that I was caught one day in the bathroom throwing up my lunch, my favorite teacher caught me ad asked what I was doing.
I told her I had to lose weight in order to tryout for drill team, she turn me to the mirror in the bathroom and said you are beautiful just the way you are. I didn't believe for a second I was dark fat and ugly (at least in my mind) It took me years after to figure out that I had and eating disorder all because I wanted to be thin and two to fit in.
I have learned to accept my chocolate skin my wide hips and big legs and butt. because learning to be who God created is what I am most proud of. I feel that the ugly duckling has finally become a swan, no more worrying about my big legs, large hips, and high butt that is what makes me who I am. beauty is said to be in the eye of the beholder, but what if the beholder is you and you can't see in you what others may see and like if you don't like it? I have learn to be able to love all of me and if someone that reads this feels the same then just look in the mirror and say I AM BEAUTY AND BEAUTY IS ME!
looking in the mirror was hard for me until maybe two years ago. all I saw was this ugly duckling and she was not pretty enough or small enough to be loved or to be in a loving relationship, not even with herself I can now empress who I am flaws and all.