I had an intense conversation with one of my closest friends yesterday and to say that this talk was long overdue is an understatement. we talked about our very deep-rooted past, which made me wonder did I miss out on an opportunity with the one person in the world that knows me inside out. because I was chancing someone out of lust.
I had to think about this over half the night and it just made me wonder why for so many years I ran from the one person besides my son's father who truly loved me and I didn't have to be anyone but me. I fell in love with the idea of being in love with a person who deep down I thought and still think I am not good enough for, which made me miss out on an opportunity to be happy, to have peace, and to know that despite how I may act sometimes I was loved and didn't see or was too afraid of it and do what I do best run. I was in a sexual relationship for twelve years and it took me the last two years to figure it out. I was in total lust for this person because once we laid down those soul ties set in, and I could not see past what I thought I wanted and needed, he came into my life, and like all men said what I thought I wanted to hear. in the end it was bullshit when you love someone I mean truly love someone you will try and move heaven and earth to be in their presents and make it work to the point where it just feels right from the start, once again I missed the opportunity to see the signs. we sometimes miss opportunities because we go into things with our eyes shut to what reality is showing us live and in living color. missed opportunities are just that missed you can't go back and change it, I hurt someone I truly love for someone whom I haven't physically seen in over two years, and the communication has been few and far between. but I can say that the conversation with my friend made me realize I have always been worth it's just that the person I was fighting to see me is the one who has missed the opportunity to be with me, I have my faults we all do but I am a good woman with a beautiful soul and if no one can see it then it's best that there are gone.
I will not miss another opportunity for anyone or anything again. single is my status right now but not for long because has someone just for me.