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As we have sprung forward at the beginning of March.
I have been reflecting on the word love and its definition of the word.
The definition of the word love is an intense feeling of deep affection.
The season brings out that and then some.
But despite the definition do we understand how to love?
A friend and I had a conversation about this and how during our lives we've been searching for love.
I mean the love you are supposed o feel according to the movies, the toes curling love. and yet we are now in our 50s and have still experienced that type of love.
I have spent the last three years trying to accept and love myself with all my faults.
I am not perfect nor have I ever thought I was perfect, in my head I created a love that was perfect with the husband and the white picket fence.
And it has yet to happen for me and a few others I know.
Love doesn't judge or criticize you for just being who you are.
Love doesn't go away or stop because a person isn't feeling you.
Love is unconditional and can bring you unmatched joy.
The best part is love is forever and lasting when it comes from a place of pure and unwavering.
Spring has sprung and with that knowledge, this love will find you, and when it does be prepared to receive a gift of the greatest joy.
Live, love, laugh
Aug. 10, 2022
Throughout these past few months of my blogging I have been pretty transparent about my life and what I have been through, so let me take you on another trip into my life as a teenager. image is a 19-year-old living in her own apartment with all this newfound freedom. My first visit with domestic violence started at my mother's house when I say she and my stepfather were Ike and tina it is not an exaggeration. so me being on my own and remembering a conversation my mother and I had where I was told that a man doesn't love you unless he hits you, was to me a normal thing even though living and being raised by my grandparents I never saw such a thing like I've said before my grandparents never even argue in front of us.
so the first time it happened to me I was like ok he must really love me.
I was with Dre for a few months and the first time I was hit it was because I burned some bacon I had cooked, I was slapped in the face to the point it busted my lip he said to me you can't even cook fucking bacon right and then walked out of my apartment. I was shocked, to say the least, and the next day he came down and apologized I thought it was over my young mind forgave him. well after he moved in a few months later the beatings started on a regular basis, I would get punched or slapped for even talking too loud in my own house, I was a prisoner in my own home.
I hid everything from my friends and family and if I had bruises on my body I would not go out until they healed. We went out of town with his father and his girlfriend I knew I shouldn't have gone because they were behind the wheel drunk, well halfway between the Tennessee border we went off the road and were in a deep ditch my leg was broken because I was seated behind the driver's seat and the seat landed on my right leg. we were found by a couple who was a pastor and his wife, they took us to the hospital and after we were released they paid to get us home on the bus. We get back to my apartment and I lived on the third floor he didn't even help me get up the stairs my neighbor did. we are home and I'm in a cast on my left leg so he decides he wants to have sex I don't want to and I'm in pain, so he puts a gun to my head and tells me that if I don't go down on him He will kill me, so I do it but I bit the shit out of him he looks down and then he begins to punch me in my stomach I am pretty much trapped between my bed and his punches, my neighbor comes through the door and pulls him off of me. he lives and I have bruises again on my arms and stomach, let's not forget I am the cast on my left leg. Dre has gone back to his dad's house after the gun incident.
my neighbor comes over and tells me I'm too young and pretty to be with someone like that, I say he hits me because he loves me, my neighbor, we will call him Sam says baby girl love is never supposed to hurt. I took a few more beatings after that and two years later the gods were on my side, he went to jail for robbery and was out of my life for good. I tried to end the generational curse of domestic violence but it happen a second time a few years later. but after the second time when God pulled me back in from hanging out my third-floor window with a twenty-inch telephone cord around my neck, that was my wake-up call and the domestic violence road I was going down was over. I tell this story because I have lost a friend to domestic violence and she nor her daughter lived through it. I was ashamed to go to the meetings at first because at that time I thought I was the only one going through this hell, what I learned going to support meetings with women helping women was there were all types of women in this group, rich, poor, educated. domestic violence doesn't have a certain look or preference. I know looking. back those women in that group helped me stop blaming myself for not knowing who I was in a relationship with. I am here not as a victim but as a victor, I survived what I went through to let someone else know it's ok to leave and have a plan in place to do so, tell someone who you can trust to help you get out to many lives are lost year after year mostly because women are too afraid to leave.
there is a way out trust must be giving to someone to help you leave.
I truly hope that my story will help someone see you're not alone. much love ladies.